Have you ever shaken your fists at God and asked, "WHY?"
For the last 10 days I have been praying for my friend, Haley Morales, who now lives in New Jersey. At the young age of 36 she went into cardiac arrest (had a heart attack). She was without blood to her brain for an hour. She was placed into a medically induced coma to help her body and brain recover, BUT, it didn't. Today she died. She leaves behind a husband and 5 children, the youngest of whom is 1 years old.
At times like this I ask the age old question, "WHY?" and shake my fists at God. His reply might be, "Why not?"
Or His answer may be, "I have plans for Haley and her family that you can't comprehend or even imagine."
All I know is that I am sad. Sad that she doesn't get to raise her children here on earth. Sad that her baby won't know his mother. Sad that JJ has to struggle on without his wife. Sad that such a bright star was taken from the earth, when so many people basked in her light.
I wish that faith in God's plan would immediately heal all wounds, but it doesn't. I understand that this great plan of happiness helps us make sense of our eternal purpose, yet it isn't an instant salve for the burns on our heart. And, I believe it is perfectly acceptable to believe in the Lord's plan and still feel sadness, anger, hurt, and frustration. As long as we don't spend our lives wallowing in those emotions, feeling them is perfectly natural. Just because you feel a deep understanding of God's plan doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to mourn. After all, you aren't mourning for the person who has passed on, you are mourning for the people who are left behind and will terribly miss the deceased.
This past 10 days, along with others, I have been praying and fasting for a miracle, yet Haley still died. Does that mean that I don't believe in miracles? No, it means that miracles sometime manifest themselves in a different way than I want. I now pray for the miracle of "peace that surpasses all understanding". I pray for the Spirit to lift and guide JJ as he continues his mortal journey without his wife by his side. I pray for the miracle of healing . Most of all, I pray for the biggest miracle, that it will all work out in the end and turn into a "Happily Ever After" story.
Thus, I will unclench my angry fists, bring down my upraised arms, and prayerfully say, "Thy will be done, oh Lord", turning my fist shaking into hands clasped in hope.
5 comments:
Nearly eight years ago I walked a similar path that JJ walks today. My wife of 38 years passed away leaving me with 4 children ages 9 to 1 years old. Many then asked like you do now, "Why?" Why would God take a beautiful righteous mother away from her young children? Why would she be denied the privilege of raising her children and seeing them grow? Why would God leave children to suffer so?
I didn't know the answers to those questions then, nor do I know them now. But what I did and do know is that God lives, that His hand is in all things. That His ways are not our ways, nor His thoughts our thoughts. And that while our sight is limited, His is eternal and He sees beyond the moment.
Do I know why? No. But I know God knows why, and that He is in control, and I have faith that all things will eventually work for our good.
Has it been easy? Not in the least. It wasn't then, and it isn't now. But my faith that God knows what He is doing has carried me through, and will continue to do so.
JJ has a difficult road to tread, but his faith is strong and it too will carry him through what lies ahead.
These kinds of things are so hard to understand and are incredibly painful. I pray that we have the faith and trust in these situations to grieve and then turn our grief to God for healing. I'm sorry to hear about your loss.
Thank you, Christina. You put my grief into words I could read and cry over. When I was your age, a friend of mine with 5 children lost her husband and then she died 6 months later. I grieved then as now, only now I also am sad from a mother's point of view--I remember when Joan had Haley--and our children grew up together. This is a very special family all around. Thank you for expressing thoughts so well.
Thanks for the depth of your heart Christina and expressing our feelings also while helping us accept.
Well said, Christina. Although I didn't know your friend, I feel your grief. And I've shaken my fist many times for all of the unfairness in life. I hope some day I can come to the point where I can relax my own fists.
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