Have you ever shaken your fists at God and asked, "WHY?"
For the last 10 days I have been praying for my friend, Haley Morales, who now lives in New Jersey. At the young age of 36 she went into cardiac arrest (had a heart attack). She was without blood to her brain for an hour. She was placed into a medically induced coma to help her body and brain recover, BUT, it didn't. Today she died. She leaves behind a husband and 5 children, the youngest of whom is 1 years old.
At times like this I ask the age old question, "WHY?" and shake my fists at God. His reply might be, "Why not?"
Or His answer may be, "I have plans for Haley and her family that you can't comprehend or even imagine."
All I know is that I am sad. Sad that she doesn't get to raise her children here on earth. Sad that her baby won't know his mother. Sad that JJ has to struggle on without his wife. Sad that such a bright star was taken from the earth, when so many people basked in her light.
I wish that faith in God's plan would immediately heal all wounds, but it doesn't. I understand that this great plan of happiness helps us make sense of our eternal purpose, yet it isn't an instant salve for the burns on our heart. And, I believe it is perfectly acceptable to believe in the Lord's plan and still feel sadness, anger, hurt, and frustration. As long as we don't spend our lives wallowing in those emotions, feeling them is perfectly natural. Just because you feel a deep understanding of God's plan doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to mourn. After all, you aren't mourning for the person who has passed on, you are mourning for the people who are left behind and will terribly miss the deceased.
This past 10 days, along with others, I have been praying and fasting for a miracle, yet Haley still died. Does that mean that I don't believe in miracles? No, it means that miracles sometime manifest themselves in a different way than I want. I now pray for the miracle of "peace that surpasses all understanding". I pray for the Spirit to lift and guide JJ as he continues his mortal journey without his wife by his side. I pray for the miracle of healing . Most of all, I pray for the biggest miracle, that it will all work out in the end and turn into a "Happily Ever After" story.
Thus, I will unclench my angry fists, bring down my upraised arms, and prayerfully say, "Thy will be done, oh Lord", turning my fist shaking into hands clasped in hope.
